HOLY MONDEGREENS, BATMAN! Our February contest challenged you to come up with a fake news article or essay featuring a mondegreen. What is a mondegreen? It's a popular phrase or song lyric that says one thing, but is often misheard as something else. We received many imaginative entries, but our hands-down winner was this witty jab at Shakespeare himself.


The Good, The Bard, and the Cuddly
by Ralph Jones

Shakespearean devotees worldwide are in rapture over a significant "find," a manuscript by the Bard, authenticated by leading historian Brace Yoreself and ninety-year-old Yubet Idug--distant relative of the great man himself and part-time document verification expert of 'x-piles' fame.
                                                                 
Mr. Yoreself trembled as he read the frail parchment to a worldwide audience via CNN. Shakespeare's love of his silky-haired beagle was evident. These are the acclaimed poet's words verbatim:

"Was staring out the window of abode pon chill blustery night, bemused methinks at the antics of March, the local tannery door-to-door seller of Ides. 'Be off with yon smelly Ides', saith I as he thundered pon oaken door. The devil spake slyly. 'O Shakes...ye silky-haired beagle Tobias has bin snatched by local dog catcher and impounded.'

"Cried did I as I tarried not to yon shelter pon March's shoulders. Was shown in to pound whereupon my eyes were thunderstruck! No less than 100 silky-haired beagles ranting upon me. I, confused, ran from one dog to the other searching for Toby. Sat pon bench screaming and crying my sonnets off. Finally I rose, mightily confused. Toby, or not Toby--THAT is the question. Had to take all dogs home hither, lest March claim my Toby's ide. Blasted dog!"

For his very clever mondegreen, Ralph receives free enrollment in the new six-week Coffeehouse for Writers Online Workshop, Fiction Writing 101--a $65 value! CLICK HERE for details on our March contest.